Killer Vacation
by Desha
Summary: Reno, Rude, and Elena take a well-deserved ski vacation, only for Reno to wind up in a cast. When Yuffie and company show up, he becomes convinced that Cloud is planning on killing them all one by one.


_Author's note: I've been going through my old school notebooks, and came across this little gem that I started to write ages ago during an abnormally dull geochemistry lecture. Not my greatest effort, but it amused me enough while I was rereading it to want to finally finish and share it, so here you go. This story is my take on (read "blatant rip-off of"...) the movie "Rear Window". You know... the one where the guy is housebound after an accident and convinces himself that his neighbor is a murderer? Except my version involves the Turks. And Reno in pain. Because… yeah. :)_

* * *

"Hey, 'Lena! What's the matter? Can't ya keep up?"

Reno was shouting at the top of his lungs, at the same time shifting his weight to steer around the tree he'd only just realized he was headed for. He spared a glance back just in time to see the aforementioned Turk go airborne as her board shot over a ridge of hard-packed snow... and land in a heap on her backside, as she tumbled to a stop. Rude, who had been close behind her, swerved, narrowly avoiding what would have been a very painful collision for them both, and swept past, leaving her to sort herself out. Reno grinned evilly at Rude, as the other man finally caught up with him in the downhill race.

"One down," Reno called out to his fellow snowboarder, with a mischievous cackle, having to yell over the wail of icy wind, and winking at Rude confidently. The redhead launched himself off a mound of snow in the center of the trail, showing off his natural agility far more than was strictly necessary and preparing himself for the final jump at the end of the run.

"Yo... Rude! Try not to break anything!" he taunted, rounding a corner, the jump coming into view. A moment later, he was sailing through the air, high above the ground. Very high.

A little TOO high...

"Oh crap..." Reno groaned to himself.

* * *

"Is... Is he... alright?"

Rude shrugged in response and prodded the fallen redhead with the toe of his boot, prompting a low moan from the motionless form that lay sprawled, facedown, in the snow. His right leg was bent at an angle that no leg should ever be, and Elena cringed just looking at it.

". . . He's alive," Rude replied. Elena kneelt down beside her fellow Turk, hesitantly patting him on the shoulder.

"Reno?"

"What?" he answered, much to her surprise. She'd thought he was out cold, for sure.

"A-are you alright?" she stammered.

"Do I _LOOK_ alright?" Reno growled, his voice muffled by the snow.

* * *

"This is so fucking humiliating..." Reno muttered. He was cradled in Rude's arms, being carried bridal style up the stairs of the inn to his room. The cast that enveloped his leg from foot to mid-thigh had netted him more than a few chuckles and snide remarks from the other patrons of Icicle Inn. Elena followed behind the two men, carrying a pair of crutches.

"Serves you right, you show-off," she said, trying very hard not to laugh.

"Elena? Have I mentioned lately that you talk too much?" Reno ground out, having to lever himself up a bit to look over Rude's shoulder so that he could glare at her properly. As they reached the landing at the top of the stairs, the first thing the Turk's noticed was a familiar shock of spikey blond hair.

"No... not him. I'll never live it down if he sees me like this," Reno hissed as he tried to squirm his way out of Rude's arms.

"If who sees you like this?" Elena asked as she reached the landing as well, "Oh! It's Cloud!"

Reno cringed. "Think you coulda said that any LOUDER?" he asked, sarcastically, as Cloud turned around at the sound of his name.

"Aww... Poor widdle Turkey got a boo-boo?" a voice called, followed by a condescending laugh, and Reno suddenly became very aware of the fact that Cloud Strife was not here alone. Next to him stood yet another familiar figure. In fact, if it hadn't been for the fact that he'd just recently been pumped quite full of pain-killers, her figure would probably have been the FIRST thing he noticed... Tifa Lockheart. But it hadn't been her voice he'd just heard... His gaze turned back to Cloud and to the girl he held in his arms.

"Ha! You're one to talk, brat..." Reno replied, eying the cast on Yuffie's leg, to which the young shinobi responded by sticking her tongue out at him.

"Guess we're not the only ones who decided to take a vacation," said Cloud, who was watching the Turks suspiciously, as though trying to gauge whether or not he'd have to drop Yuffie and fight. Rude was too busy gazing at Tifa from behind his sunglasses to comment, and Reno was locked in a battle of his own with Yuffie, trying to see which of them could make the most insulting face at the other... That left only Elena to speak up.

"Yeah, but unfortunately, Reno thought he could fly... and now he's grounded."

Yuffie paused in the middle of stretching her face into groteseque, unnatural expressions and laughed.

"Not too smart, Turkey," she grinned.

"Oh yeah? So what happened to YOU, huh?" the redhead countered.

"She slipped on a patch of ice right after we go here," said Tifa.

"Heh... 'least I made it out to the slopes," Reno commented, fixing a smug look at Yuffie. The ninja narrowed her eyes at the Turk, her expression telling him that she'd probably have decked him one for that that... had she been able to reach him.

"Come on, Yuffie... Let's get you settled in," said Tifa in an attempt to diffuse the growing animosity between Yuffie and Reno. She opened the door to the room that she was sharing with the younger woman, and motioned for Cloud to bring her inside, nodding briefly to the Turks before following and closing the door behind her.

Rude carried his injured friend into their own room, and set him down on the bed. Elena leaned the crutches against the wall nearby.

"Well... See ya, Reno," she said, turning to go.

"W-what?! Hey! You two aren't just gonna _LEAVE_ me up here all alone, are you? What the hell am I supposed to do all day?" Reno whined.

"Watch us have fun?" Rude suggested, handing him a pair of binoculars.

"And if you get bored with that, you can always go and visit Yuffie... She seemed SO happy to see you," Elena piped up, stifling a giggle.

* * *

Reno sat by the window, glaring through the binoculars at the slope of the mountain and the skiers that were slaloming their way down it. It wasn't fair. He should have been out there... not cooped up in a hotel room, watching other people have all the fun. In the last hour, he'd managed to pick out not only Rude and Elena from among the vacationers, but also Cloud, Tifa, and a couple other members of Avalanche. He glared bitterly at all of them.

At the top of the run, he could see Cloud again... along with one of his rebel pals. The large, unpleasant man with the gun for an arm.

"What was his name again?" Reno muttered to himself. After a moment, he shrugged, deciding that he didn't really care. Cloud and the man seemed to be talking about something... Suddenly, Cloud shoved him backwards, the other man's arms pin-wheeling as he tried to keep his balance, but it was too late. He tumbled back, over the side of the mountain. Reno had just been up at that very spot a few hours ago... he knew for a fact that there was a very sheer drop of 50 feet or so. Elena had almost taken a fall there herself, and it had only been the quick actions of the other two Turks that had rescued her. Cloud stood looking over the edge for a few moments before hopping onto his snowboard and heading off in the opposite direction down the slope. Reno looked away from the mountain.

"What the hell... ?" he wondered aloud. Had he really seen what he thought he'd just seen? He shook his head... Nah... Cloud couldn't have just pushed one of his own allies off a cliff and then skied away like nothing had happened... Could he? Sure, the guy had always seemed a little unbalanced... even by Reno's standards... but still... That was cold.

Reno raised the binoculars again, but he couldn't find Cloud on the slopes. He must have been in one of the areas masked by the tall evergreen trees. The Turk scanned the mountainside for other familiar faces, and after few minutes, located Rude... talking to Tifa? Now _THAT_ was a surprise. Then again, it looked like Tifa was the one doing most of the talking...

After a bit, Cloud arrived back at the top of the run, stopping a few feet away from Rude and Tifa. Rude look slightly indecisive for a moment, but then skied off on his own. Tifa and Cloud stood talking for a few more mintues, before following suit, and Reno watched them until the trees once again blocked them from view. He quickly panned down past the trees, and waited for them to emerge... and waited... and waited... and...

Finally, he saw Cloud... but only Cloud. Reno sat, watching, for a full five minutes longer, but still no sign of Tifa.

"Ok... now this is getting weird," he said to himself. Once more, he turned back to look for Cloud, and found him heading back to the inn, accompanied by that foul-mouthed pilot, Highwind, seemingly unconcerned about the disappearance of the woman. Something strange was going on, and Reno was going to find out what. He pulled himself up and grabbed his crutches, making his way to the door. He opened it just a crack and peered out. Cloud and Cid were headed upstairs. Reno silently closed the door, waiting for the sound of footsteps to pass. A door down the hall opened, then closed.

"There's gotta be a logical explanation for all this," Reno told himself... A few minutes passed, and then he heard the door down the hall open again. He peeked out into the hallway. Cloud was dragging a large canvas bag across the floor and down the stairs. Whatever was inside was apparently rather heavy, and it thumped loudly against each step...

'It doesn't look quite big enough for a person,' Reno mused, silently, 'Then again... Cloud DOES have that big-ass sword of his...'

This was getting serious. Logical explanations be damned... everything Reno had seen told him that Cloud was picking off his friends one by one. And if the guy was THAT messed up, what was to stop him from going after the Turks next? If Cloud could deceive his own allies, who was to say that he wouldn't catch one... or both... of the other Turks off guard? He had to warn Rude and Elena. And then he thought about Yuffie, stuck in the same situation as he was, down the hall. The poor kid would never even see it coming.

"Ah, what do I care what happens to the brat, anyway?" Reno muttered.

* * *

A few minutes later...

"Yuffie! Hey, brat, come on... Open it! It's important, damn it!" Reno yelled at the locked door in front of him. He wasn't even sure why he was bothering to warn her... she'd never believe him anyway. At last the door opened.

"Alright, alright... Gawd... What do _YOU_ want, Turkey?" the ninja muttered, propped up on a pair of crutches herself.

"Thought you might like to know... You buddy Cloud has completely lost it..."

"Riiiiight... That's nice, Reno. See ya," Yuffie replied, rolling her eyes as she tried to shut the door in his face. Reno quickly stuck his foot in the way, yelping in pain as it was suddenly lodged between the door and its frame. Yuffie relented, opening the door again and releasing his foot.

'Well, THAT was real smart,' Reno thought, wincing as his formerly uninjured foot throbbed slightly.

"Good thing you're already on crutches, Turkey," Yuffie smirked.

"Ya know, I was tryin' to be nice, and give you a heads up..." he said, gritting his teeth in annoyance, "But if you want to sit idly by waiting for some maniac to come and hack you to pieces, be my guest..."

With that, he turned to go, wobbling away on his crutches.

"Nice knowin' ya, Yuff," he called back to her.

"H-hey! Wait!" Yuffie shouted, hobbling after him. Reno paused, and awkwardly turned around.

"What?" he replied.

"What the heck are you ranting about, Reno?" Yuffie asked.

"Oh nothing... Just that Cloud's gone completely nuts and knocked off at least three of your friends," Reno said, nonchalantly.

"Cloud?!" Yuffie cried, laughing, "Uh huh... Sure. Gawd, Reno... They must have you on some hella strong pain meds..."

"Just go look out your window, will ya?" said Reno. Yuffie rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Fine..." she muttered, "If only to prove to you that _you're_ the one losin' it..."

She made her way to the window, and looked outside. Cloud was there, pulling along a heavy-looking bag.

"So what? He's helping with the luggage..."

"Helping to carry it OUT of the inn?" Reno queried.

"Gawd... you're really serious about this, aren't you? Listen, Turkey, I'm tellin' ya, you're dreaming."

"Yeah? Well I know what I saw... Your pal Cloud shoved one of your friends off a cliff, then Tifa vanished while they were skiing together, and now he's dragging that bag through the snow... which, by the way, I would guess contains bits and pieces of that pilot friend of yours," said Reno, staring her down.

"Uh huh... And just how did you manage to see all this from INSIDE your room?"

"Guess," he replied, motioning to the binoculars that hung around his neck, "I'm telling you, the guy's flipped out. I mean, think about it... Cloud comes up here WITH Highwind, then leaves alone, dragging a heavy-ass bag. Doesn't that strike you as just a little strange?"

"No. And I'll prove to you that YOU'RE the one who's lost his mind. If Cid came up here and didn't leave, he'll still be in his room, right? Come on... We'll go see him so that he can tell you he's not dead," Yuffie sighed.

"See? Told ya so," Reno said smugly.

"This doesn't prove anything. He could have headed back out while you were pestering me!" Yuffie replied as she knocked on the door again. When there was still no answer, she sighed, "Ok! So Cid's not here... so what?"

"_So what? _That's all you have to say?"

"Gawd, you're hopeless... I'm going back to my room," said Yuffie. She hobbled past Reno, back towards her own door. The Turk wasn't far behind, following her into the room before she could lock him out.

"Ok, fine... don't believe me, But when he decides it's your turn, don't come running... heh... hobbling... to ME, brat..." he said, handing her the binoculars, "Here... If I were you, I'd keep an eye on him."

With that, the Turk left, glaring at the shinobi one more time.

"Jerk... Figures I get stuck having to put up with that idiot while everyone else is out having fun..."

* * *

She sat alone by the window, watching the lightly falling snow. Some vacation. She sighed in boredom, turning away from the window. Her gaze fell upon the binoculars Reno had given her, still sitting on the bed where she'd tossed them dismissively nearly half an hour ago.

"Well... I guess it wouldn't hurt to see what everyone's doing..." she said quietly, grabbing one of her crutches and using it to pull the binoculars toward her. A moment later, she was scanning the slopes.

"Where are they?" she wondered aloud, unable to find any familiar faces in the snow. Suddenly, she spotted Cloud, "Ah ha! There we go..."

Strange that she couldn't find Cid... or Barret... or Tifa...

"Gawd... Stupid Reno and his stupid paranoid delusions," she muttered, annoyed by the face that Reno's accusations kept nagging at her mind. She followed Cloud with the binoculars as he trudged through the snow towards a group of children building a snowman... watched as he helped them lift the head into place before crouching down next to one of them.

"Must be Marlene," Yuffie said to herself... All those little kids looked alike to her, bundled up as they were. She watched Cloud lead her away, the two of them disappearing from her limited visual range. Yuffie shrugged and tossed the binoculars back onto the bed.

"Well THAT was interesting for like five seconds," she sighed.

Time passed, and Yuffie resorted to feeling sorry for herself as her primary activity, occasionally glaring in the general direction of the window, but she REALLY knew she was bored when she actually started _HOPING_ that Reno would come back. It was just too quiet in the room.

"Well... His room _IS_ just down the hall. It's not like I couldn't just go and see the creep myself..." she said. Talking to herself... That couldn't be a good sign, "Gawd... I never thought I'd actually WANT to see that moron..."

Shaking her head in disbelief, she collected her crutches and hobbled her way to the door, telling herself that it was just because she was bored out of her mind and bugging the Turk might provide a few minutes of fun before he threw her out. The ninja made her way into the hall and was just about to head for Reno's room when she heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs. She peeked over the railing, and there was Cloud...

'What's all that... red... stuff... Uh oh,' she thought, eyeing Cloud's stained clothing, 'No way. No way, no way, no way! This has gotta be some weird, freaked out dream... like from the pain pills they gave me... or something...'

But rather than take any chances, Yuffie scrambled back from the railing, nearly throwing herself back into her room and kicking the door shut behind her.

* * *

"Gawd... Open the door already!" Yuffie hissed as she knocked with increasing force on the door to the Turk's room. As soon as Cloud's footsteps had faded into his own room, she'd taken off down the hallway as fast as she could manage on crutches. Now, she just wished that Reno would hurry up and let her in before she had to explain to Cloud why she was so desperate to talk the obnoxious son of a bitch.

"What?!" a very annoyed redhead said, glaring as he yanked the door open. His disheveled (well... more disheveled than usual) appearance and slightly confused expression lead her to believe she'd probably woken him up. Yuffie hobbled into the room, nearly knocking him over in the process, and slammed the door shut behind her.

"Ha! I was right, wasn't I?! You believe me now!" Reno crowed, noting Yuffie's expression.

"No... I don't believe you... I'm just kind of starting to worry about Tifa. And Barret. And Cid. And Marlene. That's all it is," she replied.

"Marlene? The little twerp we grabbed awhile back?" Reno asked, snatching at a rather vague memory of a little girl, and the slightly less vague memory of said little girl once kicking him very hard in the shin.

"Look... she went off with Cloud a little while ago, and I haven't seen her since, alright?"

"Takin' out kids now? Man... and people call me heartless..."

"Oh shut it, Reno... I-I mean... I know how this looks and all, but come on!" she replied, rolling her eyes. But Reno could hear the growing uncertainty and worry in her voice.

"Yeah? Well if it's so unbelievable, why'd you suddenly feel the need to bang on my door like a panicked chocobo, wake me up, and tell me how terribly unbelievable it all is?" Reno crossed his arms and fixed her with a smug stare. Yuffie opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again, not sure what to say. "Come on... Somethin' must've freaked you out."

"Err..."

"Look, either spill it, or get lost. I don't have all day, ya know," Reno prodded.

"Riiiight... because you were so busy when I came knocking," said Yuffie, "... Fine. It's probably nothing. Just your stupid paranoia getting to me. I mean... There's _totally _got to be a perfectly logical explanation for Cloud to be covered in... something that might kinda look sorta like... blood. Right?"

She suddenly grabbed the Turk by his shirt collar, eyes widening in distress.

"PLEASE TELL ME THAT THERE'S A PERFECTLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION!"

"Uhh... S-sure..." Reno stammered, prying her fingers off his collar, "There's a perfectly logical explanation."

"Oh... Good..." Yuffie sighed in relief, "What is it?"

"Your pal Cloud has finally snapped and is sending his friends back to the planet, one at a time. Probably in bits and pieces," he said, and shrugged as if it should have been obvious. Yuffie's eyes narrowed, and Reno had only a fleeting glimpse of her hand balling itself into a fist before said fist slammed into his left temple. He staggered backwards, momentarily forgetting that he was on crutches, and putting all of his weight on his injured leg, howling in agony as white-hot pain lanced up the appendage from foot to groin. His vision greyed slightly around the edges as, balance completely gone, he crumpled to the floor. For a moment, he was too stunned to even be angry, and just stared up at Yuffie with wide eyes.

Yuffie's hand flew to her mouth in shock.

"Oh... R-reno... Gawd, Reno, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to..."

"Get. Out." Reno hissed through clenched teeth, finally snapping back to the here and now. Both his leg and his face now throbbed in rhythm with one another, but even worse than that was the blow his ego had taken, getting suckerpunched by a twerpy teenage ninja.

"Seriously, I... I..."

Her stammering was interrupted by the sound of knocking.

"Hey..." Cloud's voice called, muffled by the door, "Everything alright?"

Reno and Yuffie looked at one another.

"Crap," Reno muttered under his breath, while simultaneously dragging himself off the floor, leaning heavily on the crutch that hadn't been thrown halfway across the room and out of reach. He glared at Yuffie, and in a hushed voice said, "Hide. Now!"

Yuffie jerked out of her daze, and moved unsteadily towards the bathroom as fast as her crutches could carry her, while Reno staggered towards the door. Tentatively, he opened it just wide enough to face Cloud.

"Yeah... I'm good," he said, mentally kicking himself when his voice cracked slightly as another wave of pain razored its way up his leg. Cloud eyed him suspiciously.

"You sure? You don't exactly look 'good'," he said, noting the Turk's pale and slightly sweaty appearance, "What the hell were you doing in there, anyway?"

"Nothing," Reno said, innocently, "I just tripped, is all. Stupid crutches caught on the carpet. Uh... so, yeah, anyway, nice seein' ya Strife. Have to do it again real soon. Byeeee!"

"If you say…" Cloud started to say. Reno quickly shut the door, and heard a muffled, "… so," followed by a pause and then footsteps fading back down the hall. Reno leaned his forehead against the wood, listening until the sound grew too faint make out.

"Okay, you can come out now," he finally called out. Yuffie emerged from her hiding place.

"That was _way_ too close."

* * *

"Quit shovin' me, Yuff," Reno growled. The unlikely pair had finally come to the conclusion that something had to be done about Cloud before he could disappear anyone else. To that end, they were presently being as stealthy as two people on crutches and copious amounts of pain medication could be, while standing behind a plush velvet curtain, as they watched Cloud sip hot cocoa from a steaming mug in the Inn's lobby that afternoon.

"Quit blockin' my view, then!" she hissed back.

So far, Cloud hadn't done anything more incriminating than pick up the day's paper. Though it certainly lent Reno's theory credence that none of Yuffie's other companions had yet returned from the mountain…

"How much longer are we gonna do this, anyway?" Yuffie groused, "We've been here for like… hours!"

"Please. We've been here _maybe_ 20 minutes," the Turk replied, "Don't they teach you to be patient at… ninja school… or whatever?"

Whatever Yuffie might have been about to say in response was forgotten, however, as Cloud finally stood, grabbing his coat and his snowboard, and heading for the door. They watched as he headed back out into the cold afternoon sunshine.

"Now where's he going?" Yuffie asked, "I'm the only one left, and I'm supposed to be upstairs…"

"You're not the _only_ one left," Reno replied, ominously, "Elena and Rude. They're still out havin' fun, no idea there's a sociopathic killer on the loose! It's not like we're all best friends. Why not bump them off, too? Take out the biggest threats first then come back for you and me 'cause we're hurt and can't make a run for it."

"Make a run for it?!" Yuffie shouted, drawing some odd looks from the other patrons in the lobby who had suddenly become aware of the curtain that appeared to be arguing with itself. Reno motioned for her to keep it down, "Ugh… Coward."

"Oh come on… it's not as if we're in top fighting form at the moment. You think you can take him?"

"Well… I dunno. Maybe…"

"Yeah… maybe. Maybe if he slips on the ice and lands on his own sword," Reno drawled, smirking at her.

"Ok, ok, fine. But now what do we do?"

"I don't know what you plan to do, but I have to warn Rude and Elena," Reno said, shoving the curtain aside and hobbling toward the door.

* * *

'This was a stupid idea,' Reno told himself for the hundredth time since leaving the Inn. His uninjured foot was planted firmly beneath the strap of a snowboard, while he leaned heavily on one crutch, pushing himself along through the powdery snow toward the ski lift. It was exhausting. By the time he flopped down on the lift chair, his good leg was shaking from the strain and his bad leg was throbbing mercilessly just to spite him.

The ride to the top was entirely too short to recover completely, but years of training and his own natural agility kept him mostly upright as he gracelessly extricated himself from the lift and onto the snowy peak. Much to his great relief, his first target was already in sight.

"Rude!" he shouted over the sound of the ice-cold wind, balancing precariously as he shoved himself forward with his crutch. The other Turk looked up in surprise, bright sunlight glinting off his sunglasses.

"…"

"Look, I know what you're thinking…"

"…"

"And I'm not completely nuts…"

"…"

"Rude, would you just _listen_ to me?!"

"…"

Reno shook his head in annoyance. Sometimes the guy was just impossible to talk to.

"We need to find Elena, get off of this mountain, and get as far away from Strife as possible. The guy has lost it. Seriously lost it. He's already sliced and diced almost all his pals. We're next on the list!"

Rude stared at him for a moment.

"Well?!" Reno prompted. Rude tilted his sunglasses down, to look Reno in the eye.

"… You know you're not supposed to drink while you're on that pain medicine, right?" he finally said. Reno made a noise of exasperation, but before he could respond, the pair were interrupted by the third member of their group.

"Reno?! What in Holy's name are you doing up here?!" Elena cried, sounding distinctly worried.

"… He thinks Cloud is planning to kill us," Rude offered.

"I… wait. _What?_" she said, confused, "Reno, you're _not_ supposed to combine those pain pills with alcohol"

"I'M NOT HAVING SOME DRUG-FUELED HALLUCINATION!" Reno shouted, "We _need_ to get out of here, before he finds us!"

"Before who finds you?" a new voice intoned. Also three Turks look toward the newcomer. Reno's eyes narrowed.

"_You_… I'm on to you," he said, raising his crutch defensively. Cloud blinked in confusion, looking to the other two Turks questioningly. Rude just shrugged.

"Just ignore him," Elena sighed, "He's over-medicated. Come on, Reno… let's get you back to the Inn."

Reno gaped at her. "You're not listening, 'Lena!" he said, pleadingly, "I saw it with my own eyes! Strife offed his friends, and we're next on his list!"

Cloud blinked.

"I… what?" he said, taking a step toward the Turk, "Look, Reno… I don't know what you think you saw, but..."

Reno pushed himself backwards, sliding neatly through the snow.

"Oh no… don't come any closer, Strife," he said, narrowing his eyes, "Rude, grab him!"

"Reno, I really think we need to get you off the mountain," Elena ventured, suddenly noting in alarm that the other Turk's momentum had carried him dangerously close to the slope's drop-off. Unfortunately, Reno was too focused on Cloud to notice.

"Dammit, Elena, quit talking and do… AHHHH!" Reno's eyes widened as the snowboard slipped over the edge, taking him along with it.

"RENO!" Rude and Elena shouted in alarm. He made a desperate attempt to stop his impending descent by digging the crutch into the packed snow, but it was too late. Steadily, the board began to pick up speed, carrying him, backwards, down the slope. Reno craned his neck, looking over his shoulder in horror. He briefly considered just wiping out… but the very real possibility of going into a tumbling freefall all the way to the bottom quickly quashed that idea. He'd just have to ride it out.

The first thing he needed to do was get himself facing the right direction, the opportunity to do so presenting itself moments later as he was launched a few feet off the ground by a small mound of snow. Luckily, he was able to react quickly, rotating the board to face forward. He came down harder than expect, and grunted as the impact jarred his achingly fatigued knee.

'Ok… so far so good,' he thought, 'Not dead yet… that's always a plus…'

He wobbled through a sharp turn in the trail, and narrowly avoided colliding with set of rails as he came out of it, heart racing as he realized just which trail he was on.

"Oh, crap…"

The jump loomed ahead of him. The same jump that had put him in a cast the day before. A moment later, he was sailing through the air, high above the ground. Very high.

WAY too high...

"Oh, _CRAP_! " Reno cried.

* * *

"Is... Is he... alright?"

Rude shrugged in response and prodded the fallen redhead with the toe of his boot, prompting a low moan from the motionless form that lay sprawled, facedown, in the snow. He felt a distinct sensation of de-ja vu. Reno's right leg, safely encased in its cast, was buried in the snow. His left leg was bent at an angle that no leg should ever be.

". . . He's alive," Rude replied. Elena kneelt down beside her fellow Turk, hesitantly patting him on the shoulder.

"Reno?"

"What?" the injured man answered, in a shaky voice.

"A-are you alright?" she stammered.

"Please… just kill me now." Reno whimpered.

* * *

He was cradled in Rude's arms. Again. Being carried bridal style up the stairs of the inn to his room. Again. Only this time, both legs were encased in hard plaster.

"Gawd… How on earth have you managed to survive so long, Turkey? " a voice called out from the landing above. Reno cringed.

He glanced over at Elena. "Haven't I suffered enough for one day?" he said, imploringly. Elena, however, was putting most of her concentration into not laughing, and pointedly ignored him.

"Oh… by the way? You're an idiot," Yuffie continued, as the three Turks reached the top of the stairs, "And I can't believe I almost let you convince me that Cloud had gone all Freddy Krueger on everyone."

"Almost?! YOU came to ME for help, remember? And if I'm such an idiot, then where are all your friends? Huh?!" Reno growled back.

"Uh… right here?" Tifa's voice called out from the doorway of her room. Reno looked up… and then groaned. Tifa stood casually at the door. Marlene peeked out curiously from behind Tifa's legs. Barret and Cid stood with Cloud, little farther down the hallway.

"B-but… I… I… I… saw…"

"You saw a bunch of stuff, through binoculars, from like two miles away, genius…" Yuffie piped up again, "Let me spell it out for you… Cloud didn't _push _Barret off the mountain. He slipped. Cloud was trying to grab him. He landed like three feet down, and told Cloud he was fine and he'd catch up."

"But…" Reno started.

"And Tifa didn't 'disappear' off the slope. Marlene asked Cloud to go get her so Tifa could take her down the bunny hill," she continued.

"Ok, but what about…"

"And as for Cid? Sharing a room with Barret and his snoring sucks, so he decided to sleep on the Highwind. Cloud offered to take his bag back out."

"Yeah, ya foo'! Wait… I don't $*%&amp;ing snore, Yuffie!" Barret yelled.

"Like &amp;*#$ ya don't," Cid muttered.

"And when I saw Marlene go off with Cloud somewhere and she never came back?" Yuffie continued, "He was just bringin' her inside to warm up. Which I probably would have realized if you hadn't infected me with your idiotic paranoia!"

"Uh…" Reno began, not liking at all the direction this was taking, "Alright, so maybe he didn't kill any of _them_. But why the hell was he covered in blood?!"

"It wasn't blood," Cloud replied, "It was paint. They were repainting the sign out front, and the guy dropped the paint can. On me."

"… Oh," Reno said softly, his face turning a shade that came very close to matching his hair.

"Yeah…" Yuffie smirked, "Oh."

"Alright, fine. You win!" Reno finally shouted, "I'm an idiot, is that what you want to hear?"

Rude and Elena snickered.

"Geez… ya try and do someone a favor," Reno continued, glaring at the assembled group, "Know what? Next time I think someone's trying to kill you, I'm just gonna go right ahead let 'em! We'll see who's laughing at who, then!"

Forget snickering. Elena and Yuffie were now in hysterics, as were Cid, Barret, and Cloud. Tifa was doing her level best not to join in, feeling a prickling stab of pity for the unfortunate Turk, but failing miserable. Rude was the only one who managed not to laugh out loud… though Reno was sure he was guffawing on the inside.

"C-come on, R-reno," Elena said, patting the increasingly irate Turk on the shoulder, as she tried to get herself under control, "Let's get you into bed."

Reno muttered something unflattering under his breath as Rude carried him to their room… only to let out a yowl of pain followed by a string of curses as one of his casts smacked into the doorframe on the way in. The laugher from the hall redoubled, and could still be heard quite clearly even after Elena had closed the door behind her.

"Ugh… seriously… would someone _please_ just shoot me?" he groaned.

-fin-


End file.
